Amnesia
by LadyxShihoun
Summary: What if you forgot something bad that happened to you, but the pain from that memory never left your heart? What if two really good looking guys were willing to help you pull through that?   Starring:Squalo x OC x Xanxus
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Kay! So as I promised, this is the new version of Amnesia. Better plot, and I even came up with an antagonist (though he won't appear till later), and a more clearer background of my character. I wrote most of it and the story itself is almost complete (so stay tuned). (i'm still thinking of making someone die... can't figure out who)

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><p><span>Amnesia<span>

It had only been an hour but if felt like an eternity of waiting. Today I would be officially declared into the notorious, independent, Vongola assassination squad, Varia. And an order for this to be established the boss, himself, had to interview me; ultimately I was applying for a very important role. I have never been to the Varia Headquarters; it had to be one of the grandest sites I've ever seen. The Varia's headquarter is an enormous Italianate manor located in Sicily, Italy; this grand manor was furnished classically and painted as if royalty resided here. There were many arch windows and there were brilliant diamond chandeliers. Gardens and courtyards added beauty to the building, along with marble statues and fountains. Inside this great manor was the boss's throne room, which I remained outside of until I was granted permission in. I mused of what the boss would be like; rumors are that he's quite ruthless and short-tempered. He couldn't be too bad, his manor was very beautifully decorated and people with such taste can't be that corrupt as said gossip. What if he was actually nice and caring and thoughtful; what kind of boss like that runs an assassination group. I inhaled and exhaled softly, I wouldn't mind if he were a bit nice. The double doors in front of me opened slightly; a head popped out. A man with long white hair, which was nearly falling over his face, and grey eyes glared at me angrily.

"Voooi! What the fuck are you waiting for! Are you trying to get Xanxus pissed off!" he yelled so loudly that I wanted to cover my ears.

"R-right, sorry" I rushed into the room and surprisingly it was smaller than what I expected. There was a large arch window that screened lovely scenery of a green forest. Inside the room, a simple long wooden table with two maroon couches on two sides. There was a traditional brick fireplace, which an imperial throne faced.

"Well trash, get over here!" a voice demanded, I walked over to the throne and stood in front of it. The man before me had pure crimson eyes that glared painfully at me and he had a frown that seemed permanently engraved on his face. He radiated murderous intent even though his expression read bored. I tried hard not to look into those raging eyes that longed for vengeance. I kept my composure but in my head I was freaking out. This guy had dark hair that was adorned with few beads and colorful feathers; his skin was probably smoother than it appeared, and a fading scar was imprinted on the side of his face. He wore a white dress shirt with a black tie, a black jacket engraved with his title as boss, black pants, and black boots heavily laced and cuffed.

"Speak trash" I shivered from his deep, devilish voice.

"My name is Saiya Peano, it is an honor to be in your presence Xanxus-sama," I announced. I watched Xanxus's pupils wander from my head to toe.

"Peano? I've never heard of such a famaglia" he said, no surprise that the boss didn't know. I was the only one after all.

"Of course, because I was the only survivor when they were massacred" I said,

"They were a powerful famaglia, but rejected by the Mafia. Only few famaglias remember them, they were very secretive"

"Rejected?" Xanxus lifted a brow.

"They had made many offenses to the Mafia world, " I was glad this topic caught the boss's interest; ever since I entered his domain he seemed completely bored of me.

"If your famaglia hated the Mafia then wouldn't you be soiling their honor right now?" Xanxus alleged. I was prepared for this question.

"I was very young when my famaglia was massacred, I have no collection of memories since previous of that event. Why, I don't know. Either way, they're all gone and I no longer have anything to do with them." I explained.

"Are you willing to succumb to me, completely?"

"…Yes"

"Prove it", I walked up to the boss's throne and kneeled. I took his hand and kissed the back of it softly,

"I belong to you, no one else," I said. The boss's frown turned into a small smirk,

"I have nothing more to say, leave", and I obeyed and left the throne room. I waited until the double doors closed and I was alone to exhale. That man had such dark aura, I felt like I was suffocating in his presence. The boss was on a whole new level of ruthless and cruel, matter of fact beyond that new level. He had to be related to the devil.

"Voooi! What did the boss say?" that loud voice yelled again. The same guy from before, the one that peeked his head through the door, was leaning against a wall arms crossed. I thought he was in the room with me but must've left while I was being interviewed.

"Uh, well, he asked some questions and told me to leave," I said,

"Oh? So he accepted you then" this certainly doesn't feel like acceptance.

"I-I'm not sure"

"HEEEY! -" I covered my ears,

"If the boss wasn't interested in you then he would've thrown something at you". I nodded in consent, why the hell is this guy so loud? Who is he anyway?

"Is it safe for me to ask… Who are you?"

"WHAT! You damn brat! How the fuck do you not know your commanding officer!" My hands were not enough to block out such noise,

"Squalo! Superbi Squalo!" he shouted.

"Okay! I'm sorry please forgive my insolence!" I pleaded, 'just stop yelling'. I do know who Superbi Squalo is, I saw him in a picture once, but his hair was much shorter then. Who would've thought hair size made such a big difference in appearance?

"Hmph, be glad I'm more merciful than that dumbass boss" he said.

Eventually the sun had gone down and the night sky shown through transparent clouds. I was officially the cloud guardian and as one of the attributes of the sky I was expected to hold that title with my life. At least that's what Squalo said. I was on my way to my room but because this building is so monstrously big, I got lost in the process. All the doors looked the same so I had to peek into random ones in hope of finding my room. I was on door thirty-four (yes I counted) and it was located at the end of a long hallway. This door was separate from the others so I assumed this must've been a guardian's room, or hopefully mine. I opened the door and walked in only to freeze. I watched blankly as a certain man slept peacefully in his imperial-like bed. The bed was curtained by see through canopy sheets. Behind those sheets were black sheets, black blankets, and even the headboard was black. Xanxus, wearing nothing except for a small towel wrapped around his waist, slept on top of his comforter set, and damn did he look like an angel, much different than how I last saw him. His left arm covered his eyes while the other was placed on his stomach. He breathed in deeply and exhaled just as softly. His features, even the countless battle scars instilled on his body, seemed to glorify as he slept, in my eyes he materialized into Adonis. My conscious was screaming at me to run out the room and don't look back; I was in the lion's den nevertheless. But I couldn't stop marveling over the boss's appealing appearance. If only I had a camera.

"Like what you see," he said and that was my cue. I bolted out the room and down the hall, not even curious enough to see if he followed. When I truly believed I was in the safe zone, I continued to look for my room.

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><p>AN: Much better, right? I can handle honest opinions (though keep in mind I have feelings too so nothing incredibly mean).


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I forgot to mention all of this takes place ten years in the future, so everyone is over thirty except for Peano (she's in her mid-20's) and some other characters (i think Bel is still in his 20's)

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><p>Amnesia<p>

I had found my room and slept like a log. I sat up in my queen-sized bed, yawning and stretching out my arms, sighing in delight as my muscles relaxed. Small rays of sunlight were able to enter my room through spaces in the curtains, which covered two reasonably spaced out arch windows. I entwined lavender colored sheets into my fingers clutches. I smiled heartedly; remembering the dream of Xanxus last night, that rapturous image of him on a dark bed was implanted in my mind. But he also had caught me staring at him. He probably thinks I'm a weirdo now, even though I had wandered into his room on accident. I sighed in frustration, yesterday Squalo had went over things that piss off the boss. One was interrupting his sleep, which, fairly, I have done. Squalo also told me punishments the boss likes to give out, such as throwing objects at people or beating the shit out of them. But he wouldn't hit me, a very gorgeous female, again **female**, would he? I shivered at the thought of getting beat. But I couldn't remain in my room forever; I have work to do.

After taking a nice hot shower, and dressing into my own style of clothing I headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Many chefs were cooking up various foods and all smelled delightful. But I was in the mood for simple cereal and milk, so I went into the fridge and it was immediately slammed back closed. I looked at the rude chef in aggravation.

"I don't want any of your food I just want some cereal" I said,

"Then let me do that for you Lady Peano, this is what I'm getting paid for" he insisted, and I let him though I was very annoyed of his actions.

Next to the kitchen was the dining hall that had a large table stretching across the room. I saw two others sitting at the table and joined them. One had blonde hair that covered half his face. He wore a striped burgundy and black shirt, black skinny jeans, and white boots with purple laces; his only accessory was a silver tiara on the side of his head. The other had minty colored hair and eyes. His wore the Varia uniform and oddly a large frog hat.

"Uh, good morning" I said, sitting across from the blonde.

"You must be the new cloud guardian, Peano-sempai right?" the one with the frog hat said rather depressingly. He had a sad look on his face, like someone killed his favorite puppy.

"Yes, if I'm correct you must be Belphegor and… and" the frog hat boy sighed in dismay.

"No one ever wants to remember my name"

"Ushishi, then why don't you do us all a favor and disappear" Belphegor insulted adding an askew smile.

"Ow, that hurt Bel-sempai"

"It's Flan," I said pointing to the said boy,

"Good morning honey bunnies!" We all turned to see a guy wearing the wildest outfit sit next to Flan. His hair was shaved except for the green spiked Mohawk sticking out from the top of his head and he wore red-framed sunglasses.

"Wearing the gay outfit again, Lussuria-sempai" Flan said. Lussuria stabbed him with a fork.

"Aw! This must be the new member, Peano" Lussuria said staring at me.

"Don't get too close Lussuria-sama, you don't want to ruin Peano-sempai's beauty with your ugliness" Flan, again, felt obligated to say. He was stabbed with another fork. I giggled from the act, I imagined the guardians being too serious and mature to joke around like this. I didn't notice that they all stopped and stared at me,

"You look even prettier smiling" Belphegor said, my cheeks turned a light sanguine.

"Th-thanks". Lussuria turned to me, smiling so brightly that it was creeping me out.

"You are indeed gorgeous, no wonder Xanxus picked you"

"I doubt that's the reason he chose me as cloud guardian," I said,

"Nonsense, the boss has certain taste in women and you certainly fit his description"

"I didn't join the Varia to be Xanxus's whore-"

"Breakfast is served," said a chef, coming into the dining hall with trays of food carried by more chefs. One of them placed cereal in front of me,

"Wha- out of all the food you could have and you choose cereal?" Lussuria said. I ignored the comment.

"If anyone is a whore, Peano-sempai, I'm the one treated like it" Flan said, directing his gaze at Belphegor.

"You're a good little whore too".

"What I mean, Peano, is that you must have something very special about you. It's been decades since a female held the title of cloud," Lussuria said, I scooped up as much cereal as possible onto my spoon and stuffed into my mouth; I guess I'm unique.

"Good morning Xanxus-sama"

'Speak of the devil' I thought,

Flan greeted watching the boss, who was wearing a black robe; sit at the end of the table; which happens to be two seats away from me, which is in throwing distance. I glanced at the boss, he arms were folded as a chef, trembling horribly, placed a thick, tender, steak in front of him. He looked at me and I just as quickly looked away.

"Did you like what you saw?" he said obviously referring to last night. A cold chill traveled down my spine, he doesn't expect me to answer does he? It's not like I knew that was his room. He would forgive me…right?

"I-I didn't mean to go-" as soon as the chef placed a glass cup on the table it was flown at me. I swiftly ducked and the cup assaulted the wall instead. I could hear the pieces of glass scatter on the ground and smelt sweet liquor scent the air.

"Disturb my sleep again bitch and I'll fuckin kill you" with that said the boss took a huge bite into his steak.

"I didn't mean to disturb your precious sleep!" I barked back, my conscious was calling me stupid and crazy. Xanxus bitterly glared at me,

"Wanna try that again, scum". I broke into sweat, I immediately regretted yelling out those words. I stayed silent for my own welfare,

"Thought so". Xanxus continued eating and I had lost all appetite for cereal. I stood from my chair,

"Peano-sempai, you didn't finish your food" Flan said, I looked at him and smiled, then left the dining room. I decided to go on my mission early.

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><p>*feel free to review*<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Amnesia (TYL) 3

My mission was simple. Assassinate the nuisance D'Lazzaro famaglia that were in overwhelming debt to the Varia and our boss had no patience for so called "scum". I equipped myself with communication gadgets and a few pistols. But my main weapons are crescent hard steel blades with curved hilts. I sheathed the weapons and placed them upon my back. I was walking out the front entrance of the manor when that annoying voice yelled at me,

"OOI! I'm going with you!" I faced Squalo; he was holding a gladiator type sword,

"I prefer solo missions". He smirked,

"You're still a newbie, and all newbie's must be accompanied by their elders for a temporary amount of time". I frowned, I hated that I needed to be watched. But I obeyed the rule and let Squalo lead the way to the D'Lazzaro mansion.

I held no emotion as I mercilessly slashed the D'Lazzaro boss across his throat. He fell to the ground blood erupting from his throat and mouth, seconds later he was dead. I squatted next to the corpse and ripped off a piece of jacket. I used the fabric to clean the blood off my crescent blades, and then sheathed them. I walked through the D'Lazzaro mansion, passing uncountable dead bodies. This mission was indeed simple, the rumors that they were supposedly strong was utterly false. Before I walked out the front door I heard a faint cry, it sounded like it belonged to a child. I turned around and proceeded toward the agonizing cries. Soon I found the small child kneeling next to a woman.

"Mommy wake up, wake up" he cried, he did not notice my presence and that made it all the easier to end his life. When it comes to killing I become a whole other person. I succumb to the inner demon in me and completed this massacre flawlessly and held no regret for ending the D'Lazzaro's worthless lives. I left the mansion, but not before pouring gasoline all over the floors in each room; if I hadn't heard that child's cry I would've forgotten about sending this place up in blaze. Squalo waited patiently outside of the entrance as I trailed the fluid to the front door, lit a match on fire, and dropped the flame. I walked away from the home as the fire engulfed it and the corpses inside with hunger.

Squalo and I were two meters from the home, when my head suddenly began to hurt. I wanted to ignore it, but the pain rose to the point that I had to kneel on the ground and hold my head.

"Oi, what's the matter?" Squalo said, I screamed as my head felt like it was splitting into half. I screamed as my eyes watched a woman lying on a white tile floor, bleeding heavily. I felt tears run down my cheeks as I looked at my hands. They were soaked in blood. 'What is this?' I questioned, 'who is this woman?' I heard a desperate voice, it was shouting, "Saiya! Naila! Where are you?" it belonged to a man. The memory ended there, and my head stopped hurting. I was on the ground on all fours, gasping for breath. I could hear Squalo's voice yelling out to me; I fell completely to the ground and fainted.

A sudden shout caused me to awaken from my unconscious state,

"I'm sorry that Bel-sempai is such a bastard!" I heard Flan yell,

"You damn frog!" there was a crash sound. Then a painful cry and Belphegor's sadistic laugh. I sat up in my bed, clutching my chest. I knew that vision I had at the D'Lazzaro's mansion was a memory of my past; yet, I couldn't wrap my finger around who that bleeding woman was, or the desperate shouting man. I touched my cheeks and to my surprise they were freshly wet.

"Beg for forgiveness!" Belphegor snarled,

"Shut the fuck up brats Xanxus is sleeping!" Squalo shouted. I rolled my eyes at that. My room door opened and the white haired man strolled in like this was his domain.

"You could at least knock," I said as he sat on my bed.

"Are you feeling better?" Squalo said, yet there wasn't a hint of concern in his expression, but I disregarded that.

"That never happened before…"

"Everyone gets migraines, your chances are higher cause you work here," he said,

"…Possibly…" it was more than just a migraine, but Squalo does not need to know; I don't want to worry anyone. I looked towards the arch windows. The curtains were pulled back revealing a mourning sky. I thought of that image of Xanxus sleeping, but for some reason it didn't appear the same. He was no longer lying on his bed, but in a field of black roses, each dripping crimson liquid. Xanxus scars had reopened and the blood flowing from them dirtied the roses further. I bent over him, looking upon his lifeless body cheerlessly. I crawled on top of him and placed my head on his chest; his heart was not beating…

"Hey!" I woke from the daydream and stared at Squalo.

"Sorry",

"Don't let this affect your performance Peano, even if it means seeing a damn therapist" he declared, I nodded in compliance. With that said Squalo stood,

He left the room without saying anything back and I had forgot to thank him for carrying me all the way from the D'Lazzaro mansion to my room; at least that's what I think he did. I stared out the window again, just in time, to watch a strong gust of wind make trees bow to the point that they should've snapped. I clutched my chest for there was this odd feeling in my heart; I had this sudden urge for vengeance.


	4. Chapter 4

Amnesia 

I dressed, only, in a silk crimson colored nightgown and proceeded to the kitchen for a quick snack. I've been very exhausted ever since I had that vision; so I've remained in my room for the past few days only coming out for food. To reach the kitchen I had to pass on of the drinking rooms the manor had. There was a loud ruckus going on, and I could hear Squalo's voice clearly through it.

"That fucking boss thinking he can do what ever the fuck he fucking wants!" He cursed, I went into the room; Squalo, Lussuria and another guardian were sitting on a maroon couch, all pathetically drunk. I recognized the other guardian as Leviathan the lighting attribute of the sky. He had spiked brown hair, and unusually thin eyebrows as if they were drawn on. He had piercings upon his brows and lip, which were connected by a piece of string. The most noticeable feature was the Mario-like mustache resting on his upper lip.

"Oh! Peano darling come drink with us!" Lussuria urged, waving a hand for me to sit next to him.

"I don't drink," I said,

"BULLSHIT!" Squalo yelled, he sluggishly stood from the couch, a bottle half full of vodka in one hand, and walked over towards me. I could smell his breath and could've passed out from the strong stench of alcohol that stained it. He shoved the bottle into my stomach.

"Drink it!"

"I already said I don't dri-"

"Drink the fucking liquor!" I realized this was a one-sided conversation and grabbed the vodka. I took a tiny sip, letting the liquid flow onto my tongue and surprisingly pleasing my taste's buds. I took another sip, then another, and another.

"JUST FUCKING DRINK IT!" Squalo roared, and I did. I brought the entire rim to my lips and gulped down the rest of the bottle.

"Dammit Peano you drunk it all!" I glared at my commander in annoyance. This guy is always so damn loud that it pissed me off.

"So what I drunk it all!" I yelled back,

"You told me to drink it!"

"Fuck You!" Squalo shouted. I pounced on him causing us to fall to the floor. I continuously punched him in the gut; though it wasn't effective since each blow I delivered he laughed his ass off. "Stop laughing I'm tryin to hurt you!" I yelled, Squalo grabbed my waist and threw me to the side of him, then swiftly got on top of me pinning my hands above my head with one hand.

"What now bitch," he laughed,

"Hahaha, maybe we should stop them," Lussuria said to Leviathan who took another gulp of alcohol. All I remember before everything went completely blurry was Squalo yelling something at me then smashing his lips onto mine.

A deadly hangover awaited me when I woke up the next day. I held my head in pain trying to figure why I was on the floor, naked, instead in my room.

"Ugh, my head" I groaned and began scanning my surroundings. There were glass bottles of various brands of alcohol spread across the room, a large hole was in the wall, and there was crude writing circling the outside of the hole. Squalo was propped against the wall with the hole, also nude.

"W…What happened?" I stared blankly as I spotted another naked man a few feet away from me.

"No way…Xanxus?" the boss held a bottle of Tequila in his hand; the bottom of it was broken.

"Morning sunshine~" I watched Lussuria stroll into the room.

"Hm, and the boss is here too, I wonder what happened?" he said, placing a finger on the side of his cheek. He knew full damn well what happened, and even if I had to rip off his limbs he was going to tell me. Lussuria hugged himself,

"Ah, I can still remember the boss's sweet noises ringing in my ears", I looked at him in shock; why did I just realize Lussuria is gay?

"Squalo's moans weren't that bad either"

"Ahh! Just tell me what happened already!" I yelled, Lussuria laughed,

"You sure you want to know?"

"YES!"

"Shut the Fuck up trash I'm tryin to sleep" Xanxus mumbled, though he was still asleep. Lussuria came over and sat next to me.

"Ahaha were should I begin? Well you and Squalo started kissing-" I looked at the man sleeping against the wall with hate,

"-And then next thing ya know your both naked getting ready to go at it… But then boss came in already drunk. He got pretty upset seeing you and Squalo about to do it, so he strips naked and throws Squalo into a wall-" Lussuria placed his hands on his cheeks, blushing madly; I rolled my eyes.

"-And then he said, 'I'll show you how its really done' and then he starts lick-" I stopped Lussuria with a raised hand, I didn't want to know anymore. I glared darkly at Xanxus but my expression softened when I saw that same innocent sleeping face. I looked around the room for my clothes and found that they had been ripped to shreds; I sighed heavily, grabbing Xanxus white dress shirt. I walked over to him; I saw that image of black roses covered in that crimson color again. I kneeled down and traced a scar from his torso to abdomen with my finger. His skin was much smoother than I thought. I traced another scar that imprinted his face, Xanxus sighed. I quickly removed my hand; he sluggishly opened his eyes and stared at me.

"What the fuck did you stop for trash?" he said half yawned. I recoiled from the horrible stench of alcohol, shouldn't he be having a hangover right now; but honestly I think he's still very tipsy. Xanxus sat up and glared at me,

"uh-". He grabbed my arm and pulled me into him,

"You think you can do whatever the fuck you want, huh trash. First disturbing my room, talking back, and then this" he said pushing me onto the ground.

"H-hey!" I yelled. He pinned my hands over my head,

"I'll show you whose boss", with that, said Xanxus began licking and sucking on my neck harshly. I could hear Lussuria chuckling in the background,

"Don't just stare help me!" I yelled to him,

"I wish I could Peano but the boss would kill me" he chuckled. Xanxus grabbed my ass and squeezed, I gasped and stared into his crimson eyes. He brought his lips to mine roughly even forcing his tongue into my mouth. A hand grabbed my breast and I unintentionally arch my back filling his hand with more of my breast. Xanxus parted from my lips and smirked,

"Eager aren't you trash". Actually the complete opposite of eager, I just wanted to go back to my room in peace. I wasn't enjoying Xanxus's torture; I'm already ashamed of getting so pissy drunk and having unwanted sex with my boss. Xanxus was impatient and thrust into me hard; I clutched his shoulders tightly and moaned loudly. My heart was racing, my mind became clouded and then my head started to hurt. It wasn't a hangover hurt; it was the same pain that had caused me to faint. My head felt like it was splitting into two again and my eyes were clouded by a new vision. The bleeding woman was there and I could hear the same man shouting my name along with another I didn't recognize. There was loud bang; I looked behind me to see a man with dark brown hair and oddly indigo eyes, just like mine, bust into the room. He stared at me, then at the dead woman next to me. "Oh god" he cried, he hurried over to the woman on the ground. He picked her up into his arms, her blood stained his white dress shirt. I reached out to him, tugging at the shirt. The man looked at me in agony. "I'm so sorry Saiya I couldn't protect her, I couldn't protect your mother," he cried. I began to cry too, and the man lye the woman onto the cold ground and came over to me. He scooped me into his strong arms and rocked me back and forth. "It's alright my love, papa is still here", my vision ended. Xanxus lay on top of me; his breathing was slow so I guessed he passed out from still being drunk. My heart felt so heavy and I couldn't help but feel distraught over that dead woman being my mother and that weeping man my father. For so many years I had wondered what they looked like, I looked more like my father than mother. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and wiped it away.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow! I am a horrible updater, sorry for such a long wait. I had a lot of exams for school come up so i've lost track of this story completely. But! Those days are over, now I can focus on this piece without pulling my hair out (lol... not that i'd ever pull my hair out that'd hurt like hell)**

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><p>I decided to use my grand tub today, running hot water until it filled to the rim. I slipped into the water and moaned in complete ecstasy from the comforting sensation it gave. I never realized Xanxus had been so rough until I had to walk to my room in pain from the cuts and inflammation in between my legs. That damn jerk, he could've been so much more merciful but I don't even think that word is in his dictionary. I added bubbles to the bath; they carried an arousing scent of natural spice and apple. I inhaled the scent and moaned again; I imagined this being heaven. The large buried tub was wide and lengthy enough to fit another five people. This was the first time I ever took a bath in this grand tub; if I knew it felt this great I would've used it sooner. Being in the Varia was slowly taking its toll on my outer sanity and it was hard for me to fathom the fact that I slept with my boss, who I personally hate. It's bad enough that my virginity was taken while I was drunk, but even worse that we did it a second time. It's sad, even though I think these things I know somewhere in my heart I wanted it. If I truly loathed Xanxus then there would be sword at his throat every time we met, but when he pinned me down yesterday I barely struggled. I thought back to my first meeting with him. He told me to succumb to him and I gladly accepted. I'm willing to lay my life on the line for the boss but giving away my body was extremely uncomfortable. I remembered how soft and smooth his skin felt against mine. Maybe Xanxus was right. Maybe I was eager when he touched me so roughly and claimed me again. But that eagerness must've faded away when that memory of my parents came to me, which I came to the conclusion that theses memories appear randomly, but why?<p>

After a few more hours I finally got out of the bath and unfortunately my skin had become more shriveled then a prune. I gazed at myself in the mirror boarded on the wall in my closet. I couldn't help but laugh heartedly at how silly I looked and I blushed lightly. It's been a while since I would've laughed like that. Maybe I'm too depressing a person. . And killer... I hung my head, that's right I'm an assassin. I carry a demon in me, that I can willingly let loose to cause chaos. Yet when I held it in, I became this weird girl, who can't even understand her emotions. I am an assassin, a cold-blooded killer that ends a life with no purpose but for money. I had forgotten that detail for a long moment, and for some reason I felt much brighter when I had. I threw on a long red t-shirt that stopped at my knees and went to the opening of my closet door and stopped in my tracks. Squalo was sitting on my bed nonchalantly as if he invading my room didn't seem like a problem.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I dared to ask. Squalo smirked and stood. He walked over to me and touched a strand of wet hair that was covering my face. He moved it behind my ear,

"We have unfinished business to solve". I slapped away his hand.

"What do you mean?" I asked,

"Don't play dumb" he suddenly snarled and tried to grab my wrist.

"I was supposed to be the one to fuck you last night!" he managed to grab both my hands, then pinned me against the wall.

"Hey!" I cried. My body was too water numb and shriveled to move properly.

"That damn fucker, claiming things that don't belong to him" Squalo growled, creeping a hand up my t-shirt. I blushed madly,

"I was suppose d to have you, I should've known that fucker can't keep a promise even if his life was on the line"

"Stop!" Squalo had slipped a finger into the line barrier of my underwear.

"This, this is rape you can't do th-mmmm!" Squalo smashed his lips onto mine. He pulled away and glared evilly into my eyes daring me to say another word. Then he smirked widely,

"I don't care what feelings you have for that fucker, I'll force you to succumb to me" with that said Squalo hungrily attacked my neck. Biting and sucking leaving red marks and bruises. He wasn't going to let go of me, this was happening again. I felt dizzy as my head began to ache terribly.

"P-please don't" I choked out. My eyes were filled with salty water ready to overflow any second. Squalo looked at me; his eyes immediately softened. His grasp on me loosened,

"Hey, your not going to cry are you?" he said. A sob was forced out of me, I couldn't control the tears my eyes contained and they fell across my cheeks solemnly.

"Voi! I didn't mean to make you cry... See, I stopped" Squalo let me go and I sprinted out my room running through the manor hallways not particularly carrying what direction I went or where I ended up. I ran into a random room, closed the door, locked it, and jumped onto the dark bed and wept. I don't even know why I'm crying, Squalo let me go, indicating that he no longer wanted to do anything with me, but it felt so good to just cry; to release all the blocked up emotions in my heart. I wept into the sheets of the black bed, clenching them tightly. What did Squalo mean of 'claiming me'? I'm pretty sure I'm a female, not an object. Why was he treating me like an object? I didn't join the Varia to be a sex toy. When I finally stopped crying I glared around at my surroundings. The bed was black with black comforters and a black canopy with black transparent sheets and the floor was black carpet and the walls were a dark shade of grey. This atmosphere felt to familiar. Black bed… Black… My heart nearly stopped from shock and intense fear; no doubt I was in Xanxus's room. I tugged at my hair in confusion. How the hell did I end up here of all the places in this enormous building? I must've unconsciously remembered where his room was and unconsciously went there. 'No biggy' I told myself, all I had to do was leave. But that thought was shattered when the doorknob shook violently and a deep dark voice cursed over and over.

"What the fuck! Why I is my door locked!" Xanxus growled angrily. I began to cry again while trying to find a hiding place. I hid under his large bed just in time before he blasted down his door with his x-guns.

"Damn trash, trying to keep me out of my room", I didn't dare giggle at that. I've never felt so afraid in my life. I was invading Xanxus's room. Why couldn't have ran toLussuria's room or even Mammon's room? 'I'm so unlucky today' I cried silently to myself.

"What the fuck, why is my bed wet?" Xanxus snarled. 'Please don't find me please don't find me please don't find me' I chanted in my thoughts.

"Damn, I'm so tired… but I can't sleep on a wet bed… but it'd be such a bother to call a servant… but the bed is wet… why is my bed wet… since the water is freshly wet that means a certain _**someone**_ is still in here". My heart stopped for at least ten seconds. My skin turned and pale and went cold. This was a whole new experience of fear.

"Found ya"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Dammit Saiya! wh'd you just run off like that, Squalo stopped! **

** Saiya: like i'd want to breath the same air as that fool after what he did,**

**Me: You forgave Xanxus**

**Saiya: Th-theres a difference! He's my boss-**

**Me: well Squalo is kinda your boss too-**

**Saiya: J-just be quiet!**

**Me: Lol, your so confused**

**Saiya: ...**


	6. Chapter 6

He hadn't found me, he had looked in some random place and letting those words leave his lips as he thought he found a prize. But I was still under his bed, undiscovered.

"Dammit, not here. I'll find you, whoever you are," Xanxus said playfully. He continued to look in random areas of his room conveying 'I found you' until I was found. The only chance I would have to escape was when he went into the closet. I watched him go into his closet and I crawled from under the bed as fast as I could and bolted for the door.

"Ha! It was you after all!" he yelled and chased after me. I don't think I've ever felt so scared running from one man. The utter feeling of him chasing me was much worse than if he could capture me. I ran down the Varia halls turning sharp corners and running through random rooms hoping I would not reach a dead end. And he was still behind me, laughing evilly. He was toying with me, I'm sure if he truly wanted to catch me he would have by now.

"Stop chasing me!" I cried

"Not until I punish you for invading my room" Xanxus laughed. Great, he's even laughing at this. I turned another sharp corner and was grabbed from behind. A hand was placed over my mouth as I thrashed and tried to scream. An arm was wrapped around my waist tightly and I was pinned against another body.

"Voi! Calm down Peano do you want him to hear you?" Squalo hushed. I relinquished my struggling and screaming, becoming as silent as the night. I could feel Squalo's hot breath teasing my skin, though I know he meant no intention. His arm held onto my waist protectively as his other hand remained on my mouth, incase I tried to scream again.

"Fuck, where'd that scum go?" Xanxus questioned. We were in a room behind closed doors and I could hear Xanxus's footsteps wandering around until they became distant sounds. I sighed in relief. Squalo dropped his hand from my mouth,

"Thanks Squalo" I said and tried to put distance between us but his arm was still wrapped around my waist. "Uh… Squalo"

"Peano" Squalo lustfully crooned, placing warm lips on my neck. I could feel his hot breath traveling up and down my neck. And his free hand crept up my stomach to my breast about to cup it into his callous hands before I harshly elbowed him in the stomach.

"Gawk!" he cried in pain, releasing his grip and gripping onto his stomach instead.

"Pervert, your no better than Xanxus"

"Don't compare me to that fucking bastard" Squalo said. But it was true. Matter fact, no one in the Varia was any better than the boss. We could be just as cruel and merciless to show our loyalty to our nefariousl leader. I increased my guard as Squalo walked up to me, placing a hand on my cheek.

"Xanxus can't be gentler or kinder or caring for you" he said now caressing it.

"I'll be whatever the boss can't give you". My face warmed up from his words and a scarlet streak crossed from one cheek to the other. And what if the boss could be all the qualities Squalo offered. I've definitely never given him the chance. I'm not even sure why I'm afraid of him.

"You certainly weren't caring when you tried to rape me" I replied. Squalo tensed but just as quickly relaxed.

"I wasn't thinking, I was just so upset that he got to you first. I... I won't treat you like some prize anymore. But that doesn't mean I'll stop coming after you" he replied. I had to muse for a moment. What made Xanxus and Squalo so attracted to me anyway? I know I'm good looking but there are tons of gorgeous woman in Italy. What made me so special? Was it because I'm part of the Varia? That my services are free other than the whores on the street? Or there's a side to me that just seems more attractive than those whores? I don't know.

"I'll be yours," I said, Squalo's expression was rejoicing.

"But! You have to protect from Xanxus at all cost even if it means soiling your loyalty" I know saying this was somewhat harsh. Squalo was loyal to Xanxus and I'm sure I can't get in the way of that unconditional loyalty. But it was worth a try. He stared at me for long while, musing. I saw flashes of pained to angered expressions before he finally answered.

"Alright, I'll protect you, but, you have to trust me" Trust? That's all he wanted in exchange.

"I'll trust you," I said half-heartedly and he could hear it in my voice but ignored it.

So now I'm must succumb to two men. One, who's my boss anyhow, and the other, for protection from my boss. Actually I would really like to see how Squalo would protect me. Would he be willing to put a sword up his boss's throat to shield my body? That would be a sight to see. My demon side had begun to slowly slip from the depths of my heart, coming out to the surface. Maybe Squalo and the boss would kill each other over me, and that would be just perfect. Then I would be the next boss of Varia as third in command. But only Squalo has confessed to me, Xanxus's feelings remain unknown. A wicked smile crept upon my lips.

"What are you smiling for, Peano-sempai" Fran said then stuffing his mouth with pasta. I glared across the dining table at him,

"Oh, nothing important, just sorting out my thoughts" I replied.

"Ife cam sell ur lrying" he said with a full mouth thus smacked in the head by Belphegor

"Swallow then speak idiot". I guess my answer was somewhat of a lie. And honestly I don't think these heinous thoughts would've ever come to mind if it weren't for the demon in me. It was breaking from its ancient, rusted chains and now trying to claw its way out. And once it was out, there would be no doubt that the notorious Varia leader would meet his end.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I think it would be good if I used Xanxus point of view for this chapter, just to show how our adorable main character avoids Xanxus for like, a week. **

**7**

Wherever I was she wasn't. And it took me a while (about a week) to notice she was avoiding me. At first I ignored it, but then she would do shit like throw stuff at me when I was supposedly too close. First of all, I do the throwing not that bitch. And then I tried to teach her a lesson. But then Squalo would step in and say some sensical shit that bored me to death. Why the hell was he protecting her anyway! Did they make some stupid pact to keep me away from her. Why the hell was that bitch so afraid of me! Everyone else takes my abuse and goes on with their lives, but no, she's gotta act all woman rights and shit. I'm the fucking boss, if I want to fuck her than she has no right to complain. And if I want to beat the shit out of her than she has to take it. Why the hell did I hire her anyway. Everyone else was loyal to me, no matter what I did. I'm not gonna be any less kinder than what I am. Fuck, I don't even know what kind means. But that word tends to cross my mind whenever she's around. I start thinking shit like, maybe if I acted more gentle or if I refrained from cursing. Who knows, maybe that would get her to at least look me in the eye. The only time she's ever done that was at the interview. Sometimes I even want to apologize to the nut. Like one time I went to her room but she locked the fucking door. And I was gonna blow the thing to pieces with my x-guns, but that'd would've scared her so I played nice and left her alone. That bitch doesn't even understand how much better I treat her compared to the other members. Compared to them she's treated like a fucking goddess. Fuck! Now i'm so obsessed in my thoughts that I can't fucking sleep!

"See bitch! look what you've fucking done!" I yelled out, though no one could hear me. Since i'm in my room. I grabbed my pillow and smothered my face. What the hell is wrong with me!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Lol, I love Xanxus X3 **


	8. Chapter 8

The Varia gardens were not a necessity so I never understood why we had them. But we did and they were mass gardens that were put together very gracefully. It had a variety of multi colored tulips, carnations, daisies, pansies, primroses, jasmines and roses. Along with tall green bushes surrounding them and pure marble that created a walkway around the gardens. My task today was to take care of these marbelous creations that surrounded the Varia manor. And I wasn't a big fan of flowers but I loved the way they smelled, especially roses. Which there were plenty of them in each garden. I gathered enough servants to help me and we began. And I chose the black roses to tend to first. I approached the dark delicacies and breathed in the sweet smell of nectar that caressed the inside of my nostrils. I plucked one from its the bush and held it against my lips. It was velvety and wet to my skin. I was given a pair of long sharp scissors to cut thorns or invading weeds, and began to work. And during the whole time, as I cut away wilted flowers and trimmed bushes, a pair of crimson eyes watched me from the Manor window. Glaring not out of rage but with utter softness. And as I turned around to trim another bush our eyes met, and for a moment it staid that way. I was too far away to read his expression, but it didn't seem violent or angry. He seemed completely calm. Then he turned and walked away. And two strong arms wrapped around my waist and creamy lips brushed the top of my head.

"Squalo" I softly said. His long light silver hair tickled my face as he nuzzled his nose into my neck. I had to remind myself that I belong to him now and displayed fake affection by sighing from the sweet kiss upon my skin. And while he delivered kiss after kiss, I could only think of those calm pair of crimson eyes. I don't think I've ever looked Xanxus in the eyes since our interview and even then it was only a glimpse. They were supposed to be cruel, careless, lustful, and raging with pure madness. Yet his gaze towards me was so unnaturally delicate. Maybe I judged Xanxus too soon, but after remembering the whole being drunk incident I thought otherwise. Squalo brought me out of my musing and back to him, turning me around to face him and connecting our lips. I brought my arms around his neck and deepened our kiss, but he wanted more. And nipped my bottom lip playfully. I parted my lips just enough for his slick, wet, tongue to come in and roam the inside of my mouth. And I moaned softly for him, earning a deep growl to erupt from his throat as his hands wandered my body lovingly. I giggled and pushed him away slightly, ending our session. "I should be working",

"Do it later" Squalo said, bringing me close again and tried to kiss my lips. But I placed a finger on his and glared into his eyes nicely. He snarled, but did leave and I returned to tending the roses. On the opposite side of the black rose bush were white roses. I took one that was beginning to wilt from its bush and held it in my hand. It had an arousing but overwhelming smell of nectar, and it was cushy and light in my hand. Like how cotton feels.

"Peano~ love!" I heard Lussuria call. I dropped the white rose,

"Over here" I replied. He came towards me doing a weird dance that looked like mixture of samba and hip-hop. "

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"I'm just so H-A-P-P-Y!" he cheered, throwing his arms in the air and swinging them left to right. O-okay...

"But Besides that I came to tell you that you have another mission, and it's in a different country" I lifted a brow. He decided to become serious and halted his dancing act.

"You'll be accompanying the boss to Japan to meet with the Vongola Tenth"


	9. Chapter 9

My eyes widened in shock.

"A-are you serious!" Lussuria chuckled lightly,

"Completely serious love~" I clenched my teeth, that damn boss. He must've planned this and I have no choice but to abide.

"I-is Squalo coming too?"

"He's being sent to the Vongola branch in America" That bastard! Lussuria stared at me confusingly,

"Is something wrong, Peano?" It's hard enough to avoid the boss here, now I have to be by his side, and who knows how long I'll be in Japan with him. I balled my hand into fists, there just had to be another way. Maybe I could ask someone to take my place. But that would be plain cowardly; it'd make it even more obvious that I was trying my hardest to avoid him.

"Ya know ever since that day we all got drunk you've been acting extremely strange" I glared at him,

"Really?" I knew I was being wrong towards Xanxus but I at least tried to keep my composure around the other Varia members.

"Well after what the boss did, that must've been really uncomfortable" Lussuria said

"If he weren't such a scary person I might've saved you"

"Might've?" Lussuria giggled-yeah you're all twisted I thought.

I found no loophole out of this. So I accepted my fate and packed my luggage, making sure to bring extra weapons, for the long journey to Japan. I've been there once when I was younger with my adoptive parent, but that was only for two weeks. This time it'll be for a few months.

A few months with Xanxus.

I shivered as I picked up my luggage and carried it to the front door-He, was waiting there. He looked at me once and that was it. He didn't even glance at me from the trip to the airport and on the plane. Hell, I was sitting right next to him and he still didn't look. Its as if he's completely disregarding my presence, not that I find that a bad thing. But it's oddly, very oddly, unlike him. The image I had in my mind was being forced up a wall while he bangs me over and over and curses at me and punishes me for ignoring him. Matter fact, he had fallen asleep, his face lye in his palm-looking like a complete angel again. I decided to drift off as well-it seemed safe enough.

* * *

><p>I was in a garden filled with black and white roses. I twirled over and over, my white dress twirling with me, and the black bow in my hair flowing with the motion. They smelt amazing, like honey mixed with a sprinkle of nutmeg and I breathed in the scent to my delight.<p>

And he was there.

And much younger; his dark hair was shorter and his pure crimson eyes were bigger and more naive. There were no scars on his face or anywhere else on his body. He looked utterly innocent.

"S-Saiya, you shouldn't be here, this is the ninth's garden" he tried to warn me, but I ignored him and continued to twirl and breathe in the sweet scent of roses. He sighed and picked a black rose of its bush.

"I don't get why you like these things, they're just a bunch of puny, weak flowers" I stopped twirling and stared at him.

There were still thorns on the stem of the rose he had picked and I tried to warn him put he pricked his finger before I could even open my mouth.

"Dammit! Stupid flower attacked me!" he whined and sticks his pricked finger into his mouth, a drop of his blood had dripped onto the rose and flowed throughout the petals leaving a path of blood. I walked up to him and cautiously took the rose into my hands staring closer at the red liquid.

"You damn kids! What did I tell you about being here!" an old croaky voice cursed. Xanxus grabbed my hand and I drop the black rose,

"Stop dazing off and lets get out of here," he said.

* * *

><p>I awoke, stretching out my arms and yawning lightly. That vision, it wasn't sad at all. And even more awkward he was in it. I looked at Xanxus who was staring at me, calmly.<p>

"G-good morning boss" I said, he looked away. I sighed and stood from my seat, that boy in my vision was definitely Xanxus. But he was so much more innocent and I guess kinder, it made me wonder what turned him into such a sad man. But I wondered more of what the boss had to do with my past, and why he acted like he didn't know me. Maybe he had forgotten, but the boy in my vision certainly seemed very trusting of me. The only way to know was either wait to for my next vision or ask Xanxus directly. I glanced at him and he had fallen asleep again. This man... My boss... He knows something about me that I don't. He's the most important clue I have to unlocking the secrets of my past. And I don't want anything to do with him but it seems he's already imprinted in my life. I chuckled lightly. Ever since I had the horrible vision of my dead mother and crying father I've wanted to know more about myself. My adoptive father said I would want to know someday, he was right about everything.

"You'll help me, right?" I said to Xanxus even though he was asleep.

"You'll help me find out who I am?"


End file.
